A Song For Val (Not Ray)

she lifts the pushchair
bump
up the step
bump
years ago it was her kids
bump
in this very pushchair
bump
wrapped in hand crocheted blankets
bump
being bounced around like fat in a pan
bump
now it’s her granddaughter
bump
…
bump
…
Two floors down
bump
she can still smell the vodka, still smell the ashtray
bump
Those smells didn’t stop, even after his body was carried out in Spring.
bump
…
bump
…
…
A taste, like the copper coins in her purse, lines her tongue
bump
…
…
…
bump
The rooms still echo no matter how much cloth she drapes on the walls.
…
This isn’t the happy ending she thought it would be
bump
…
it’s just a coda.
…
bump
so her knees can lock and her hips can ache and her ankles can burn and her heels can bleed
…
…
bump
…
but she doesn’t want these steps to end.

 

NB: Nil By Mouth was a 1997 semi-autobiographical film by writer / director Gary Oldman. It told the tale of a family headed by “Val” (Kathy Burke) suffering from paternal abuse at the hands of “Ray” (Ray Winstone).

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